Grey - in every sense of the word
by siriusly-im-severus
Summary: After the defeat of the Dark Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter is left with a deep lack of purpose and the cruel feeling of worthlessness. So he holes himself into his room for two months, hiding from the frenzied eyes of the wizarding world, who are left to wonder where their Boy-Who-Lived went. What is he to do though when reality comes knocking at his door?
1. Chapter 1

Summary:

After the defeat of the Dark Lord Voldemort, Harry Potter is left with a deep lack of purpose and the cruel feeling of worthlessness. So he holes himself into his room for two months, hiding from the frenzied eyes of the wizarding world, who are left to wonder where their Boy-Who-Lived went. What is he to do though, when he is eventually forced to reface reality and deal with what is the now?

Disclaimer- Harry Potter isn't mine, but where this story goes is.

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It had been two months since the famous battle of Hogwarts where Harry James Potter killed Lord Voldemort and saved the wizarding world from certain death. The battle had been horrific and the death toll too high, but everyone knows the story by now of how Harry had done it. How he and his friends had chased after the horcruxes, how Dumbledore had been involved in the destruction of yet another dark lord, even after his death, and how Snape wasn't a complete scumbag when it came down to it. It'd been two months of Harry's face being front page of the daily prophet with articles about his life story, and interviews from everyone about what they thought on the matter. In fact, today's paper was on his wooden desk, the flash of the cameras reflecting off Harry's glasses in the photo. The headline read in bold font: "The Boy-Who-Lived - What Now?". It'd been thrown on the desk along with the papers from the past month, not even skimmed . The surrounding room was a mess, and reeked of lived in spaces, as it hadn't been cleaned in far too long. Harry had stopped letting anyone in his room, or even to see him as soon as he'd been sent back to Privet Drive. There'd been a great yelling match about that, as many people were shocked that the saviour of the wizarding world was to be sent back to _muggles_ , but it'd been decided that it was the safest place for him to go to get away from all the crazy that was happening in the wizarding world at the moment. This was complete shit in Harry's opinion of course, but no one seemed to care for his words outside of the interviews of his great defeat of the dark lord. They sent people from the order to visit him every now and then, but they didn't seem to be willing to go too far into the house, which was good. Considering Harry was the only person living there at the moment, it's not like there was anything for them to really see, apart from empty pizza boxes that had a light layer of dust on the tops. The rooms were bare, as the Dursleys' had taken all the furniture when they left, and the place was dark. It was an empty house.

Hedwig's cage was still sat on Harry's dresser in his room, unused as it was. The piles of letters from both the Ministry and Hermione were lying next to it, some opened, some just there. Ron had not written even one letter to Harry after most of the fuss had calmed down. Not even one. He'd been counting. Harry said to himself that it was because he was busy trying to rebuild his family and deal with the press. It was the kind of thing that even after saying a million times still felt like a lie.

In fact, the only person that still really check in on him was Hermione, and even that was beginning to taper off. Harry knew he appreciated it, but he still couldn't find the energy to write back, or even read her letters. To be honest, he couldn't really find the energy to do anything. Everything he did was either out of necessity or just to distract himself from the intense burning lack of motivation and emotion that he felt. It felt like time had almost slowed down since he'd defeated Voldemort, and the only thing worth noting was that he was no longer about to die every second of every day. So maybe that was worth celebrating. Maybe.

In all honesty, it'd been two months since Harry Potter had felt like he had a sense of purpose, like he had something to contribute to the universe. Now all he had was an empty house and growing pile of ministry letters. So, he stayed in bed.

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A.N/ I just feel like there should be more stories about or including mental illnesses. Sorry if this seems off or doesn't quite fit into the description of depression, but I've only had slight experience with it, so this is just what I know of it. Also, updates are probably not going to be frequent, as I write when the mood strikes me. But yeah, hopefully that wasn't too bad, and is decent enough for you to kinda want to see what happens next. I promise it will be longer and actually have stuff happening in the next chapter, this was just setting the scene pretty much. :)


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2._

Disclaimer- characters and stuff arent mine

* * *

Harry was re-counting the number of cracks in the paint on his bedroom ceiling when the doorbell rang. The shrill ring rang through the empty house. Stopping his counting, Harry slowly sat up on his bed, rubbing his face with his hands to try and wake up a little. Getting up off the bed was a lot more effort than it was worth, but he rolled off the side of his bed into a standing position and looked around the room for his wand blearily. Just in case. The doorbell rang again, insistent on being acknowledged. Spotting his wand under a pair of dirty jeans which were next to his window, he grabbed it and stumbled his way out of his room towards the rest of the house. On the way past his kitchen, he flicked his wand at the coffee maker (which he had bought from a small shop in Diagon Alley that sold muggle appliances that worked around magic). It was only about 10am, and Harry hadn't had any coffee in 2 hours, which was pretty good by his standards. Again, the doorbell rang, followed by a loud huffing that he could hear from the other side of the front door as he approached it.

"Harry James Potter, I know you're in there!" a loud determined voice called, followed by another urgent ring of the doorbell that had Harry sighing a little. He flipped the lock on the door, and was barrelled into by pure mass of curls.

"Hey Hermione." Harry said as he was tightly suffocated into her hair.

"Why'd it take you so long to answer the door Harry? I rang it like four times! Honestly!" The girl detached herself from him, and looked him up and down seriously.

"And you're still in your pj's!"

Scratching the back of his head, Harry shrugged noncommittally.

"Didnt get round to changing I guess." He said, a bit pathetically as he tried to flatten out a wrinkle in his shirt with his hand.

"Hmm,' Hermione said, giving him a look that made him cringe a little. She flicked her wand at him, and all the wrinkles in his pyjamas disappeared, having been replaced with the smell of freshly washed clothes.

Looking a little sheepishly at his friend, Harry motioned for her to come inside the house.

They walked to the kitchen, where hermione sat down at the only chair left in the room, after brushing off some of the dust. Harry picked up his hot cup of coffee and blew on it a little to cool it, leaning on the counter.

Eyeing his drink, Hermione snuffled a little laugh.

"I thought you hated coffee? Something about the taste of Merlin's arse mixed with too much caffeine?"

Sipping tentatively at the mug, Harry drank slowly before replying.

"You get over the taste eventually I guess. Plus, tea wasn't... Caffeine-y enough..." He said, pausing to sip again. This warranted a calculating look from his friend, who seemed to be looking too deeply into it already. It was just coffee. Honestly.

"Harry, are you okay?" Hermione started, softer than before. The two looked at each other, and all Harry could see in her eyes was concern.

"You haven't been out of the house in two months it seems, and you don't reply to any of my owls. I also _know_ that the ministry has been sending you letters, as I've had a couple people ask me if you've got owl repelling wards up or something. You just seemed to completely drop off the map..." She dropped off, still looking at him with worry in her eyes.

"Hermione, I'm fine. I've just needed a little time to get back on my feet yknow. I mean... I've been resting... from the thing." This was followed by another long drink from his mug.

"For two months?" She asked him, not believing his excuse at all. At her raised eyebrow, Harry promptly took another sip of his coffee which was quickly running out.

"You can be tired Harry, but that doesn't mean you can't answer owls, and that doesn't mean you can't have friends over. You know we just want to know you're okay, right?" Harry looked away at this. It wasn't really a topic he wanted to talk about right now. It was too early in the day to be hounded by Hermione.

Huffing at his stubborn mood, she stood up from her seat and walked over to the cupboards, grabbing a mug too.

"Tea's in the top right cupboard," Harry said tiredly, rubbing at his eyes. God he wished the coffee would kick in soon.

Hermione made a small noise of satisfaction as she found the packets of tea, and began to prepare her drink. After the kettle boiled and the tea was left to brew, Hermione moved to lean on the counter next to Harry.

She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed deeply. Harry let his head fall to rest on hers, and sighed softly.

They stayed like this for a little while, just resting on each other and enjoying being in each other's company again after not seeing each other in so long, until Hermione spoke again.

"You know, Ron's been asking about you. He says he's worried about you. Hasn't heard from you either."

"Yeah, well, obviously not worried enough to send me an owl..." Harry muttered a little bitterly. This made Hermione raise her head to look at him pointedly.

"Harry, you know how badly his family suffered from the battle, he's had a lot to take care of," she reprimanded lightly. "Plus, his mum's apparently in a right state at the moment, what with Fred and all." The air turned a little bit more sombre at this reminder of the loss of one of their friends.

"I've been over to check on the family, and it's just different now,' Hermione continued, picking up her cup of tea and blowing on it to cool it a little. "Even though the restorations are done, and all the damage has been repaired, it's just not the same house? Like... it's all the same building and the Weasleys' are still the Weasleys', but it just feels incomplete... You can tell that there's something missing is what I'm trying to say, and I can't imagine how horrible it must be to have to feel that every day." Neither of them knew what to say after that, so again, it lapsed into silence while they sat there drinking.

After a while, when his coffee ran out, Harry tiredly ran a hand through his messy hair, and sighed tiredly. He looked over to Hermione, who was watching him with, if anything, anticipation.

"I suppose I could send him an owl. To... check up on him, I guess..." he said softly, conceding to the point that Hermione was trying to make.

She grinned slightly at this, and put down her mug to hug him firmly.

"Ah, that'd be really good Harry, I'm sure he'll appreciate it. And also, Mrs Weasley is having a dinner this Wednesday and she told me to invite you, so I'm sur-" she said with a little more vigour, beginning to get on a roll.

"Erm, Hermione, I dunno if that's the best idea. What, me going out and stuff..." Harry interrupted, knowing that she was very likely to get carried away with this. This stopped her in her tracks, and she looked at him dismayingly.

"But Harry! It's been two months! You can't just retreat into your house and ignore everything else!" She pushed, earning a groan from him. "There are people who are worried about you Harry! I know that if I hadn't come over here and had tea with you, you wouldn't have answered my letters for a while longer, and I'm relatively okay with that, but there are people who aren't, and they're missing you!" Hermione said, getting a little shrill in her emotion.

 _Only 10:30 and she's already started_ , Harry thought a little bitterly. Staring at his mismatched green and red socks (an old Christmas gift from Dobby), he said hotly, "Hermione, please don't try and tell me what I can and cannot do. I'm telling you now that I' m tired, and that it's going to take a little while longer before I want to go to dinner parties, and if you don't want to understand that, then you can sod off."

Seeing her aghast expression, he thought tiredly, _great. Now she's pissed off at me._ Nothing good ever comes from pissing off Hermione, he mused.

"Oh really, Harry. Well, if you're having problems with your energy levels, then maybe you should see a healer about it. But other than that, I really don't see why you can't go to a simple dinner with friends." She said stoutly, her irritation seeping into her tone.

"Hermione. Please, just leave it."

She huffed a little heatedly at this, but did seem to agree to drop it for the time being. Crossing her arms with a little scowl on her face, she picked up her mug and finished her tea in one go.

"So, I'm assuming that's a no?"

"Yeah."

And that was that.

* * *

After dropping the topic of the dinner, Hermione and Harry chatted in the kitchen for a couple hours, just catching up with each other. Most of the talking was done by Hermione, as Harry didn't really have anything all that exciting to speak about, but that was fine by him. She'd apparently been talking with some of the healers from St. Mungos that had been around during the aftermath of the Battle, and was looking into potentially working in the healing field. Hermione had stayed back to help with the healing after the whole Voldemort thing was dealt with, and had found that it was something she was able to grasp quickly. This was something that made Harry smile, as he could see she was clearly passionate about what she was talking about.

She also talked about the restorations of Hogwarts, which were apparently taking longer than anticipated. Apparently, due to the massive concentration of magic in the school, the restorations had to be done very carefully as to not agitate the wards. Even though certain wards had been taken down to allow for work on the castle, there was enough magic soaked into the walls from the centuries of witches and wizards learning there to cause issues for anyone trying to rebuild. Hermione said though, that she thinks they should finish before the end of the month, which was in about a week's time. That also would mean that the school would be finished before the 1st of September, which is in time for the new school year.

"You know Harry, Professor McGonagall said that she thinks we should come back to Hogwarts and complete our NEWTS, considering the fact that we never actually did 7th year," Hermione proposed. This didn't really surprise Harry, who had speculated that this may happen, during his hours of doing nothing. He could see why the idea might be a good one. It'd get him back in the public eye, and show people that he was okay, and it'd also boost public moral, which wasn't amazing at the moment. Plus, if he got good enough grades, that would allow him to get a proper job at some point in the future, if he ever wanted one.  
Theoretically, if he wanted, he could just live off the money in his Gringotts account. Especially now that he had full control of the Potter vault, and probably a couple other distant relative's vaults. At some point, Harry decided, he would go into Gringotts and check with in with his vault status, and get some stuff out. And he also needed to get some general supplies from the store, he remembered. He was onto his last couple of tea bags, and was also quite low on bread and coffee grind. _Ah, that's quite important_ , Harry thought. _Can't run out of coffee_. After a little bit of thought, he decided that he'd do it later. When he wasn't busy. Not that he was, but yknow... Later.

"Harry?" Hermione's voice called him out of his thoughts. "Would you be interested in that?"

Harry made a noncommittal grunting noise, which seemed to spur Hermione on.

"I've talked to Ron about it, and even he can see the benefits of doing it. He still wants to become an Auror, and to do that he'd need to have NEWTS that qualify him for the job. So, I'm fairly certain he's willing, even if he's groaning about it now.'  
"Also, when I was talking with Professor McGonagall, she made a point of saying that all the others who missed out on last year because of the war were welcome back into the school as well, so there will be others too, not just us. And that should be nice, because I had been thinking that it'd be awfully lonely if it was just us. But yes, I think that it's a really great opportunity to get more qualifications, especially if I want to get into St. Mungos, because you know that they take in only those with the best of marks. I've already started revising, if you'd believe it," she chuckled, which in turn caused Harry to smile a bit.

Hermione kept on talking about that brief pause, going on about a book on healing that she'd been reading, but Harry tuned out a little bit, thinking about going back to Hogwarts. It wasn't something he really felt like doing. Going back would mean having to work more than he felt capable of, and even just the thought of that exhausted him. Memories of the busy corridors and hall full of children came to his mind in an unpleasant manner. All those people who would just stare and stare at him, trying to hide their gossiping whispers behind their hands. His hands started to feel clammy thinking about it.  
It'd also be horrible because he'd be able to remember each and every person who died there, and that they had died because of him. And he would have to deal with that 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. What could only be described as intense guilt began to stir in his stomach, causing him to grimace. Every single death that had occurred in that Battle had been his fault. It had been his responsibility to save the wizarding world, and all he'd managed to do was to cause the death of hundreds of people, if not more. Killing Voldemort had been important, but the cost at which it had been was too high.

A hand touched his shoulder, and he turned to see Hermione looking at him. He told himself to control his breathing and calm down. Unclenching his fists, he tried to relax. Hermione didn't seem to pick up on his state, which was good.

"Harry? What do you think?" She asked, asking his opinion on something.

"Sorry, what did you ask Hermione?" He forced out, as his breathing began to settle and the churning of his stomach began to dissipate.

"About what I was saying just now, what do you think?"

"Erm... Yeah, sounds great Hermione," He said, still not having a clue what she was talking about.

"Great! I'll write to Professor and tell her that it's all fine," she said happily, clasping her hands together. "I'm so excited about it Harry, I honestly think it's the best thing to do. Hogwarts will be really good for you, I'm sure of it." Alarmed at what he'd seemingly just agreed to, Harry began to protest.

"Hermione, wha-"

*Bleep bleep!*

An alarm on Hermione's watch went off, cutting him off, and she jumped up in surprise which in turn caused Harry to jump.

"Oh Merlin! Is it 1 o'clock already? Ah, Harry, I've got to go, I have a lunch date with Ginny in 10 minutes and I need to get home and get ready!" She said hurriedly, getting up from her seat and gathering her things that she'd brought.

"Hermione, wait! What just happened?" Harry said, confused as to what was happening and what he'd just said yes to. Hermione was rushing around, picking up her stuff.

"Ah, Harry, I'm really sorry, but I really do have to go. It's been really really lovely seeing you again, and you promise to write to me, don't you?" She said as she rushed over to him, pulling him into a warm hug.

"Uh, yeah, of course Hermione, but what-?" She kissed him on the cheek, then hurried over to the front door, putting her hand on the doorknob ready to leave. Her hair was flying everywhere and her cheeks were flushed, but she smiled at him affectionately from the doorway.

"I'm glad that you're okay Harry. I can't wait to go to Hogwarts again, I just think that it's the smartest thing to do for now. I'll see you soon sometime, but make sure you read up on the subjects, particularly potions, because that's your weakest subject. Ooh, and also, I really suggest that you open those Ministry letters Harry, they're very important. But yes, yes, I'll send you an owl, or see you soon, whichever happens first. Bye Harry!" She said, before closing the front door behind her.

He heard a loud crack from outside his front door, signalling that she'd left. That had all happened very quickly, as things tended to do with Hermione, but what he gathered from her ramblings was that he was going to Hogwarts to finish his 7th year, along with Hermione and Ron, and presumably all the others who hadn't finished their schooling.  
Great.

* * *

A.N/ Sorry if this isn't amazing. I think the last bit reads as being really rushed, but i can't be stuffed to rewrite it. But yeah, this chapter is a bit longer, but still not quite as long as i'd like, so ill work on that. Again, hopefully it wasnt completely crap, and i didnt overdo any of it. If you liked it, thats super cool :) Thanks for reading


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